I woke up this morning feeling blue. I had a fight with my better half last night and now I am in the “post war” period.
Reason : Hubby dearest is upset that I quit my day job “on a whim” and my career is finished.
My argument : Did he want me to stay at a job where I could not express myself freely, where I dreaded going to work every day and where I was paid for 8 hours of work but worked less than an hour ?I couldn’t do it.
Hubby : This is the reason why you never succeed in life. You have problems wherever you go. You are too traditionalistic in your views, not accommodating at all. You are amazingly talented – have a good grasp of language, have been a brilliant student and read a lot. But you threw it all down the drains. Just because you wanted things your way.
One thing led to another and before we knew it were each talking about how we were brought up and the very touchy issue of “parents”.
Hubby : Your parents have given up on you and your career. They don’t even talk about it any more.
Me : Then why do you keep bringing it up ?
Hubby : Because I care. No matter what happens, I care. (Water works started. How much have I tortured this man, who loves me for better or for worse).”I am still trying to get you a job. I am speaking to people. You don’t know with what difficulty I got you the other job.”
So today I woke up at 3 am- couldn’t sleep any more. I opened my blog page and tried to write. Writing is cathartic for me. But today even words failed me.
Was I a failure ? Would things never work out for me ?
I tried to do a SWOT analysis on myself.
Strengths : Language ( as hubby said), positivity ( never say die spirit), sensitivity , love for all living things ( especially ones smaller than me), reading, hard working, sincerity, honesty. My hubby dearest- my baa lamb- who is sticking by me even I am an idiot. My beautiful children, the plants in my terrace garden- still green in spite of the severe summer here, the new additions to my cat family
Weaknesses : Judgmental, habit of excluding people who don’t conform to my norms from my circle, argumentative, twisting the truth to suit my purpose especially when I am at the losing end of arguments( does it contradict with what I have written under strengths?), Extravagant, soft heart.
Opportunities : I have a blog post now and can expose my writing to the world.
Free time : Time to spend with my daughters and pets, take care of my plants and house ( badly needing my attention), the laundry, the cupboards, clothes.
Threats: I quit mid career, difficult to get a job, even freelance. Bare minimum in bank. Rejections everywhere. Hubby upset.
The Bible says in everything give thanks. So I did. I keep chanting like a mantra- Thank you God. Praise God. No more ill feelings to my hubby, my previous co workers, any one.
Life is about new beginnings, starting today. I believe things are going to happen- in my favor- I will get a new assignment. At least people at ” yeah write’ will read what I write and that is something.