I turned 46 a couple of weeks back.
How do I feel ?
I do not enjoy reading quite so much as before, simply because I require to look for my reading glasses and put them on before I read and that takes half the enjoyment of reading away for me.
My monthlies come at all odd times, totally unpredictably, sometimes high, sometimes low but mostly unannounced.
I seem to notice more grey hair popping up on my head that grows back grey even after being pulled out by the root. A hair dresser I went to, when I was 31 told me, I had so much grey hair, I needed colouring. Thankfully it didn’t come to that and I have still quite a bit of black on my scalp and its all natural :).
I have plantar fasciitis, pain in the sole of my left foot and my foot lets me know it exists because I am not allowed to put my foot down, in my mouth or otherwise, because of the sharp shooting pain I feel. I have taken to wearing very high heeled shoes, contrary to my usual disposition, because I think high heeled shoes make my foot pain less. Try it !
I am more interested in housewifely chores and try to keep my house clean, a trait I didn’t have when I was younger.
Also I have stopped watching Television.
On an emotional front, things that used to bother me don’t bother me in quite the way, they used to when I was younger. For example, seeing a dead cat or a dog on the street would have brought out a few tears for them, when I was younger but now I think, thank God they are gone- they don’t have to live in this horrible world. And the same when I hear about someone dying. Have I become callous or unfeeling ? Its not that, I think. I want all living things to live happily and for as long as they could but would not for anything , wish the world as it now stands on any living being.
I know now that all things will pass- when I was younger, disaster brought a feeling of doom- how this might not ever go away but I know now, if I take a deep breath and not do anything about it for a couple of days, that “thing” that bothers me will either go away or cease to bother me any more.
But one thing never changes- I hate any sort of injustice, be it bullying, ragging, suppressing or any other sort of coercion exercised by one living thing on another, i hated it when I was young and I hate it with a stronger ferocity now.
