The weight is not coming off- my first thoughts when I woke up yesterday( day 3) and stepped on the machine ( a daily morning ritual now, for ever so long). When has my life started revolving around my weight ? I guess when I was about 10. The earliest memory I have is of my father coming home to visit us at my maternal grandparent’s house( it must have been 1979), taking a look at me and saying- ” you have put on weight”. It was not said derogatorily but in my little girl mind, it struck for ever, so much so that I thought I needed to go on a diet like my mum( who was on a perpetual diet, for as long as I could remember, and who would never eat breakfast as part of her diet). I started watching what I ate- of course, I didn’t want to be fat. We had no weighing machine at home, those days. Weight was only assessed on people performing the eyeball test and making remarks. Those were the standards during those days. I cannot remember ever thinking that my clothes did not fit or that I have become too fat.
In grade 9, I remember a co-achiever Ms. P, who used to rile me often that I was the fattest person in class and I believed her assessment of me too. Now I think at 57 kgs and 5 foot 7, I probably was not fat at all. What I would give to be 57 kgs today. It just goes to show that our lives are dominated by what people think of us. The thoughts constantly ran in my head that I was not attractive at all.
It reached such a pass that I stopped caring, which was good in a way, because I started enjoying life after that, but the bad was that I started pushing hurtful emotions to the back burner instead of dealing with them then and there.
Fast forward to now, 34 years later, I hover around 90 kgs, which is at least 22 kgs above the upper limit of weight for my height.
Now for the good news. Day 4, today of my IQS mindful eating program( note, I am not calling it a diet), the scales show that I have lost a kilogramme- 1000gms of avoirdupois off. And believe me, this time, it is going to keep off. I have just about had enough.
So what have I been doing ?
- Taking the stairs ( 3 floors) from the underground car park to the floor 3,where my office is – at least once a day( that is good for me)- am trying to avoid using the elevator.
- Trying to recognize the primitive impulses my body tries to send me each day- name, read real hunger from thirst, tiredness, sleepiness, depression and any other issue for which my escape route was eating mindlessly.
- Breakfast- for 4 days has been a porridge with chia seeds, hemp seeds, a little matcha tea powder – believe me, it fills one up at least till lunch time.
- Water : Drinking a lot of water – about 6 large glasses a day at least; I know this because I do it in the office
- Sleep : Am sleeping well these days, except when the low back pain doesn’t wake me up. Sleeping with the air conditioning on, on a foam mattress is not really good for my back.
- Steps : The frequent trips to the loo are adding to my daily steps.
Folks- its 89 kgs today.