Elephantine memories

One of my husband’s pet peeves is that he cannot put a name to a familiar face and he says this problem has accentuated with his age( he is in the earlier half-decade of 50).

My problem is that I tend to hold on to memories far more ( I think) than a lot of other people. My husband often reminds me that I need to let go of the past and perhaps memories ‘ wrongs” others might have done me in the past. I was haunted, until recently by memories of the “terror” or should I say ‘terrorist” at my previous work place and the extreme steps I take to avoid her.


On my recent holiday, I went to visit an old uncle and aunt of my husband’s, both in their late 80’s, who are bed-ridden and can’t remember most things except things that haven’t changed much. They can remember my father, mother and sister in law, who haven’t changed much in years but they can’t place my husband, me or our children and so many of the current generation. Me, it is understandable, my appearance changing, as it is, from day-to-day.


Isn’t it funny that we humans, find it difficult to let go of old hurts and memories that hurt and tend to hang on to them ( sometimes for dear life) but at other times, even a simple thing like a name is difficult to remember.

Don’t you sometimes wish you could remember what you learnt in school or the names of people or things you read or saw somewhere more than the memories of hurts and sad thoughts ?


Do we tend to hold on to memories to avoid forgiving the persons who hurt us in the past, for forgiveness is  a large part of letting go ?

I had hard times in my college during my under graduate studies( mentioned in previous posts). I was ragged and still carry harsh memories of my time there. I even avoid my college reunions to avoid seeing my classmates. I am actually not sure if I want to let go of this elephantine memory. Is it actually possible that I want to hang on to this hurt for as long as I live ? No, actually I would like to move forward. I would like to go back to my alma mater ( sometime).


What do you think my steps should be to achieve my goal of forgiving those who hurt me ?

  1. I would say one way is to go and confront the people who hurt me.
  2. If Banani has hurt me a lot in the past, one way I can forgive her is to keep saying ” I forgive Banani” several times a day. ( This is going to be difficult). You realize what I am doing here- I am trying to write down my feelings, so can see it every time I read this post.
  3. Instead of the negative thoughts that I harbour, I can practice putting one today thought in its stead. For example, I need to get back home as soon as work is over and sit with my daughter so the two of us can tackle some high school physics together. Isn’t that so much better than ruminating over the past ? So exchanging a good thought, a today thought can possibly help erase past thoughts. Do you agree ?
  4. As in reading a book, I can move on to the next chapter of my life. ( after I accept the past and embrace it of course)
  5. I need to do my Masters’ degree and soon- so I can get a job or even start an MPH program when I return home. Planning and working on this bucket list item can possibly help move the gramophone record of my life from my past, so I can listen to new songs and see the world through rose-tinted glasses- once again.

To be able to recall items is good but to learn to let go of memories is a cultivated art. ( I think)




3 thoughts on “Elephantine memories

  1. I believe the easiest way to forgive (and I have forgiven many people)- is to first forgive yourself for mistakes you have made. I have made so many mistakes – some I justified, some by accident, and some just not knowing what to do. We all blow it sometimes in our lives. If you can forgive yourself, then it is easy to forgive others. My husband had an affair with my best girlfriend….that’s one of the SMALL things I had to forgive. Forgiving does not mean you have to still communicate with the person. It doesn’t mean you have to say it to the person. It simply means you have to get those feelings of anger, or hatred, or sorrow OUT OF YOU! If you don’t forgive then you harbor (usually) terrible feelings. WE ALL BLOW it during our lifetime. We are all human. We also will NEVER know ALL the circumstances as to why a person needs forgiveness. We just have to be human and release horrible feelings. I forgave my friend…I knew my husband was a rat. I knew she was unhappy with her husband. That didn’t make it right, but when I stepped into her moccasins I realized “it could have been me at some time.” I know people have had to forgive me. Jesus forgives us even now! Forgiveness can be easy because you are clearing out your heart. Forgiveness helps you. I also makes room for new things. Forgiveness means you have learned something new to enhance your life…as I said though, you do not have to face anyone (unless you are comfortable in doing so) – you just have to clear your heart. Take a breath. Feel the oxygen flowing through your body and when you exhale visualize the negative feelings flying from your fingertips to oblivion. It is amazing to learn to forgive. Have a beautiful day! I didn’t mean to go on so, but it is important. Also you must leave those terrible memories behind you. THEY ARE OVER unless you allow them to remain. They have no positive effect, so let them fly away and make room for the new wonderful memories, and your will draw them too you! Love and blessings!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Marsha. So many words of wisdom and sharing. If you could, you could make a post out of this topic and we could all read your views and learn from them. You are so right- we need to forgive- forgiveness is the only way we can replace our elephantine memories with positivity.
      Forgiveness makes us the greater person, in a way, doesn’t it ?
      Also, we do not know how many people forgive us each day for deeds we have done, knowingly or unknowingly.
      Thank you, Marsha.
      God bless !

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Marsha’s comment was beautiful. Susie, your post was too.
    Unforgiveness keeps us from being healed. That’s why forgiveness is so important, it’s to free you, not the other person.
    For those you are unable to forgive, ask God to help you. Give it to Him. He understands our weaknesses and our failures too. Allow Him to heal the pains of the past. Un forgiveness is like a scab you keep picking at and therefore a wound that is unable to heal. Ask God to put His love (salve) on that wound and through His love for you (and the other person too) the wound will heal.
    Some people though are destructive to you and even though you forgive them, it is best for you to walk away from them if they constantly destroy your peace.
    Seek Gods will about each relationship you are in. Some people He keeps in your life so they can see His love through you. Some people you walk even from, even in forgiveness, because God wants you to grow in His love, not be destroyed by another.
    Does that make sense?
    Praying for you, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

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