A young 20 something and her teenage tantrums

I have a daughter who turned 23 this year. She is away in our home country doing her best to become a doctor. She is in Medical School.

Her father and I visit her about once a year and she flies down to visit us about a couple of times a year. ( In a week from now, I will be going to visit her)

Last month, one weekend, she disappeared. We found out only about 24 hours later that our daughter had disappeared- not answering calls, picking up messages or calling back. Her father went through a Thursday pinging her repeatedly but to no response.

On Friday that week, one of his colleagues from here was going to her place to work in the same institution where my daughter is placed. He took some gifts for her from us, which we sent through him. Imagine our distress when he went looking for her in her hostel and found her “signed off” as going out. He immediately called us to inform us that our daughter was missing and that he got a ” out of town” dial tone on her phone when he called.

We were so worried, compounded by our own non-response from her over the weekend.

Hours later she picked up one of her father’s calls. On asking her where she was , she told us she was still in her town. A few minutes later and some hard questioning later, she up and fessed that she was about 10 hours from her college in a forest area where she had gone adventure sporting for a few days.

Of course, her father had a lot to say to her about her lack of responsibility and her carelessness and her dishonesty among other things. To cut a long story short, she reached her place back about 3 days later, shocked that her escapade was not hidden any more.

Now about 3 weeks later, she refuses to speak to her father. To me, she talks but only because I call her and she is my daughter.

We are going through difficult times here but the good thing is I haven’t resorted to emotional eating through it all. I am still at my diet though it was supposed to have ended last week Thursday- today is day 35- the diet was supposed to end day 32.

21 thoughts on “A young 20 something and her teenage tantrums

  1. Susie, I’m so sorry that this happened. Grown kids are so much harder. It was easier when they were little. You could make them mind then, at least make them sit in time out. But when they get older, all we can do is pray. Isn’t it wonderful that our Heavenly Father knows where they are and watches over them.
    Lord surround her daughter with Your arms of protection. Open her eyes to the truth- You. (Open the eyes of my adult children too.)
    Lord, all we can do is bring them to You. Thank you for watching over them. Amen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Debbie for the prayers and the love offered from so far away yet seem so near. Things seem to be looking up a little.
      Trust building is what needs to be done- both ways.
      When will parents ever learn not to mind ?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Just read a post from Elijah List.com about praying Psalm 91. Check that Elijah List out. I read it a lot because it encourages me, but the one about angels is a reminder that we need to pray for our children( & grands too ) that angels will protect them. I see the need to pray more.
        May God cover your family (mine too) with His protective power and open the eyes of their hearts to see the truth of who He really is. Amen

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It has brought our whole family a lot closer even our extended family- parents, siblings, cousins, in laws. So a great good has also been achieved that a lot of bad feelings and old hurts were forgotten as everyone rallied around to support one another, even long distance.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Debbie,
        I have given up trying to comment on your posts. It kicks me out of your site every time I try to post. I let wordpress know and I do not really understand their comments, which included asking me to create an account at wordpress.org.
        I loved your recent posts – on leftoovers and how to get over Thanksgiving without giving in to temptations.
        Have a happy day, Debbie.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Susie, I definitely would have been very worried too. One day, when she is a parent, she will understand why her actions caused upset. She will also realize that parenting never ends…it doesn’t matter how old your child is, they are always your child. God bless. Kathy

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Kids will do that, even twenty-something kids, to establish their independence. She will grow out of it, in time, when she feels panicky about someone the way you felt about her. In time, as you and your husband grow older, she will turn the tables on you and insist on monitoring your whereabouts. Perfectly normal – that’s life!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You’ve already given her her freedom – she is on her own in a different country. You can’t take it back now because she’s already had a taste of it. You have to treat her as a adult now because you, as parents, yourselves put her into an adult situation. You can’t have it both ways! You need to form a new kind of a relationship, that of responsible adults who respect each other, listen to each other, and follow each other’s advice. Yes, that means you have to make a point of asking your daughter for an advice (I am not saying you really need it, but make something up!) and telling her how mature and smart she is. Calling her names (irresponsible, etc.) means to her that you are still treating her as a child. Why, then, you have put her in an adult position? It is something no one at her age is able to reconcile, so they prefer to go into a shut-down mode. Show respect – you’ll get respect; show authority – you’ll get rebellion!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You are right- irresponsibility was a problem because just imagine if an accident had occurred and then we parents would call the school authorities and no one would know where they were and the school would say we can’t take any responsibility because we were not told where she was. I was most worried about this aspect and so relieved when she came back. When these students are in an organized environment like a school and in a hostel the responsibility of people in authority doubles or triples. We need to treat her as an equal or even more and we would if she did not display dishonesty. We want her to be honest and to have the courage to say out in the open what she wants to do.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Dear Susie, I have grown up sons who had gone to colleges out of town, and I know exactly what you mean! Now their children are paying them back for my nervous breakdowns. However, your daughter is not a minor, so authorities hold no responsibility. Once she starts feeling that you respect her independence and her right to make decisions, however silly or even dangerous those decisions might be, she will act both honestly and responsibly. She will also have the courage to talk to you openly if she knows she is treated as an adult. I am sorry if I am giving you unwanted advice. If you want me to stop, just say so! And please don’t worry: no matter what, she’ll grow out of it!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. thanks again- it is good to hear that she will grow out of it- infact I think she was just experimenting with her freedom and she has already had a shock and will think many times over before taking rash decisions.
        I don’t mind plain speak because it shows that you genuinely care.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Dolly,
        I read a lot of your posts today and I love the format of your posts- a little tidbit of history and then the main meal – the best part is you try to keep it gluten free. With my second daughter’s ovarian cysts, we are going easy on white flour so your recipes are welcome.
        They remind me somehow of Ina Garten’s cooking style. Do you use pork in your recipes ?

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Hi Susie, I didn’t know about gluten and ovarian cysts; thank you for this information. I am trying to keep everything gluten free, or at least gluten reduced because of husband’s ADHD. It definitely helps! I thank you for a very flattering comparison – I am honored! As to pork, in kosher cooking, we do not use pork or shellfish and do not mix meat with dairy.
        Have a great day,

        Liked by 1 person

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