Nominations, endorsements and dilemmas

susieshy45

There is a colleague who is not very popular with us. I have written about her previously. A few reprimands and warnings from our supervisor and a lot of counseling from different sources and this year, she seems so much better.

Last year, I used to spend sleepless nights over her and her attitude and her interactions. This year, I have become changed in  my attitude towards her. I prayed over it. I did not work hard from my side to improve relations but prayed hard and let it go. This year her relations with all in our department have improved.

Recently she took a few days off for a personal issue. She came back to work this week and has gone back to the taunt, indirect talk, disrespecting supervisor and colleagues after this leave period. Maybe something traumatic in her life set her back. I will soon be leaving the department, but I wanted my relations with her and with others to improve, so she can settle down with everyone and learn to trust and I am trying to help her.

There was a nomination in our college to a Distinguished Achievement Award. Anyone could nominate anyone. Something directed me to nominate her, this colleague for  this award. This was about 3 months back. A couple of weeks back, I heard back from the committee, that they had accepted her nomination and I needed to put together a package with a lot of letters and stuff, so a complete package could go to the main office where another committee would look through the nominations.

I am now running around trying to put the packet together. I told my supervisor, who is the colleague’s supervisor too that  X’s nomination had been accepted and that I was working on the package. My supervisor told me she was not willing to write a letter of endorsement for the colleague and also advised me to let go- not to bother about submitting the package.

The colleague is not someone I like very much but when my supervisor told me not to bother about sending the packet to the main office, something told me inside, I just had to do it. There seem to be too many coincidences and nudges here. I am praying about it. It is hard work, getting a package in place. Let’s see where it goes.

35 thoughts on “Nominations, endorsements and dilemmas”

  1. Gobblefunkist says:

    Wonderful of you to do something nice to a not-so-nice colleague. I am thinking you don’t know Tamil, we have an ancient literary work called “Thirukkural” in which one poem says something to this effect: The best way to handle someone who did evil was to do them good”.
    Kudos to you.

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  3. Susie,
    Are you doing academic work or editing? I notice that you talk often of office politics. We don’t do so much of that in the states or at least I haven’t.. You are not in the U..S. are you?

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    1. I am not in the US and I work in the office, where the politics are as bad as in the normal political scenario.:). The office is part of a research center which does human research.
      I am often a witness to the various umm, entanglements.
      Susie

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      2. It is – we learn as we go and grow. I often feel I am in a massive human experiment myself and someone is being the principal investigator and I am just a research participant( a pawn). Interesting thoughts there.
        Susie

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    1. It is unfortunate. I try to stay away but even passivity causes one to be witness to situations where one has to take a side. In this case, I have been drawn into a side.
      Previously have been victim of very bad office politics. Am fortunate now to work in a place with far less politics. Am trying to make the place better, my own way. 🙂
      Susie

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    1. Good question. When I nominated her, I thought she very well deserved it. But you know, when you see her behavior sometimes you think for bad behavior, she doesn’t deserve it. Then I think rationally and decide, I need to be honest with myself and see if her work deserves it and not her personality. What do you think ?
      My boss thinks I should not submit the package with all the letters and stuff for the final evaluation. I am pretty sure in my heart, she needs to get a fair chance- maybe she will become trusting of people then.
      Susie

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  6. I’m not so sure I should make any comment on this, given that I don’t know anything on your friend. But Iam taking a risk and doing it anyway. Your commitment to make effors for that person is commendable, from some perspective And not so much, from a different angle. So you are ready to put in significant work for doing the package – this should be added to the time and attention you invest in her if only through your prayersYou remind me of myself, investing myself for some person whose cause I had to fight for myself (did you notice the pattern? these people keep on being pardoned, having us closing an eye on their shortcomings, praying for them; meanwhile , who keeps improving in terms of human quality, you, or her (ok, you did say she seemed to have changed before going back to her family roots – could it be , the roots of her problem are still there? So, while you keep constructing her, there is this permanent risk that she may go back and relapse…)?
    I am only trying to say that becoming a better human being needs tremendous effort; and the effort should come from the inside, from the person itself, otherwise, all that you may keep constructing , gifting the person with the precious gift of your attention and energy may be just short lived, while you are depriving that person from touching that point of pain (some call it rock botton) that shatt motivate her strongly enough to begin the work herself (maybe she would benefit even more if she said those prayers herself??)

    I wouldn’t dare to express it in such “selfish” terms if I didn’t go through that sort of experience myself. Now I am only praying for help to not feel anymore the pain of the hurt that person caused me.

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    1. Thank you for the long and very very touching message you sent through your reply. I am going to think over your reply and even pray about it now that you have given me a very very new perspective on things. I was thinking- I am going to leave the department and if she gets the award and then she decides to improve, then good for the others who have to continue working with her, if not, everyone can wash their hands off her.
      I am going to think about what you have written and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for having taken the time to write in a message to a perfect stranger.
      Susie

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      1. You are touching the lives of others, too, on a more regular basis than I have been trying to do. When people touch us in a material – physical form, we usually don’t consider them strangers; why then consider as “strangers” people who touch us in much more intimate, profound ways?

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  7. I commend you for caring about another person. Sadly, some people are not happy, unless they are miserable. In turn, they make everyone else miserable. I hope it is not the case with her, but it sure sounds like it. Best of luck.

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    1. Ron
      Its been so long.
      It is true – this person seems to wallow in misery and then take out the misery on others even if others try to do them good. My supervisor is once bitten, twice shy.
      She is like an animal that has been hurt once and is wary all the time.
      Susie

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      1. Best of luck with her Susieshy, In Police work, sometimes we would get caught up with helping someone like that. It usually didn’t turn out to well. So we developed a morbid saying.
        “No good deed, goes unpunished”.

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  8. I applaud your efforts to help this woman, especially praying for her. Your helping hand might be a real turning point in her life. On the other hand, it might not. I’d say keep praying and listening for God’s directives. God could be speaking to you through the advice of others, too.

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  9. Dearest Susie ….
    I can add nothing to the conversation that other commenters haven’t already said. However, where-as you are praying for your colleague, I will be praying for you. I hate to see you in the situation you find yourself in. Doing a good deed can sometimes backfire, as I know to my cost, but not doing a good deed can leave us with a feelings of great guilt and looking for a way to put that right – with no options available.

    There is a lesson to be learned from the situation you are in. I shall pray that guidance is given to you, and that a light be shined on what it is which you are being shown here. There IS a lesson. You just have to take a step back and perhaps find it from a distance. A greater view – like a landscape view in a photograph – can sometimes open up your vision to things that you didn’t initially ‘see’.
    Sending you love ~ Cobs. xxx

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    1. Thank you, Faye. I just feel like submitting her application if not just to cheek the ones’ who say she does not deserve it.
      As far as her work goes, she truly deserves it. But her demeanor and her persona is not very conducive for anyone to support her. I really need guidance on this one.
      I read somewhere that all our deeds should be done not for us or for anyone else but for the promotion of ” His kingdom”- so I guess that is what my prayer should be.
      Susie

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  12. Oh der! I wish I knew what your friend really needs. If her work is admirable, then she would do well to get recognition for that-however rewarding bad behavior is never good. It seems her weakness lies in her poor social interactions? That could be dealt with in a different fashion. If she were to win, how would that affect her? What I do know, is you have a sweet and pure heart and are a prayer warrior. We are all praying for you and your friend..

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      2. I was busy and also sometimes the muse doesn’t hit you until its too late. I think that is what happened to me. We lost many of our outside cats, to a poisoner’s malicious intentions- that upset us not a little. Then there were the exams. And the cold weather and Christmas and children and you know- everything in life- I know – all excuses but I am going to come soon, ma’am.
        Hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
        Susie

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  13. Ma’am
    Every year the cats are poisoned. This year we lost some of the best behaved and the loveliest little ones. I am not a cat lover but I feel this bad as I feel every creature has a right to live in this world until God calls him or her home.
    Susie

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