Countdown days 4 & 5

I missed a day yesterday. Catching up with stuff especially sleep takes a long time. It was hot but not so hot as the last Friday. Sat up late doing a review for a proposal- in my enthusiasm to help and to feel good when people say good things about me, I foolishly agreed to review 4 proposals for another IRB before I left this institution and it is taking a toll. Along with my scholarship application, this has been taking a lot of my “thinking time”.

Late Thursday( day 3), I managed to submit my scholarship application. It is not very good as I currently have no research or research objectives having been out of the field for about 12 years, working as an administrator.

Why did I become an administrator ? Simple, there were no other jobs at that time available and being a woman, I am flexible and can always learn new skills, which I did. I complained a little but did it and though the stress of being someone new did take its toll on my health, I have ploughed along for 12 years.

My I-20 form went to my permanent address and was collected by the security guard who lost it. This led to a lot of drama. My father had gone to collect it from the guard and they searched all over the place for a document which couldn’t be found. My brother in law messaged me these developments. I am peculiar in that when things don’t go as I planned, I feel as if the floor has been pulled off from under my feet. I felt as if I was spiralling out of control. But my determination to see this through helped me through this. I wrote to the director of admissions at my university and asked if I could enter the country on a visitor visa, which I have. In response, she asked me to put in a second request for an I-20, which I did. Now all’s well that ends well and a duplicate set of documents is on its way to me at my current address. And then there was another hitch. FedEx does not mail to post boxes. And my only physical address is my university’s post box address. I now had to find an address without a post box number attached to it. Now I am hoping the documents are on their way to me and will reach me in a day or two so I can take it to the embassy to be stamped with my student visa.

Is it that I have always been like this ? Or has life made me like this ? How have I become so superstitious that when a glitch comes along a well-planned route, I start thinking maybe I should just give up and maybe it was not meant to be. My soul tells me fight, fight, fight- do it, get it, get going but my body is so ready to give up the fight.

For now, I am left with no job, in case this visa and things don’t work out and will be dependent on others all over again. Was I too precipitate in my decision to go on to study at this advanced age ? At my age, my classmates are probably helping their children with their children or going up their career.Here I am just trying to make my way in this world. 🙂