June 24, 2018
Sunday. At work. There is a card sitting on my table. I am not sure who or how they put it on my desk. Turned out to be a birthday card – from the HR department. How did they know it was my birthday, considering that for most people it doesn’t even seem to matter.
After the GIS course issues and sorting them out and writing up assignments, I am now at the height of paranoia. I fear everything now. I am unable to embrace any good thing. I can’t seem to believe that good will happen. I am constantly second-guessing myself. It is not good. I seem to have lost confidence. And it is just 6 days to the day.
What am I going to do? Fears of whether immigration will swab and prod and push and be rude haunt me. Other fears about immigration at the other end of the passage taking me for an interview in a separate room trouble me- how am I going to deal with all this? No one in the family will be with me. I will be all alone. The fear of the visa interview tomorrow is killing me. What if they reject my application? What if everything so far has been in vain?
Fear is not good. It makes you sad and it makes you eat more. That is not good-either for me or my body. I don’t like to be dependent on anything. But it seems I don’t mind being dependent on my husband.