Thursday Thoughts

Its been two weeks since that day.ย  My shock day for 2018, I am going to call it. Where I pummeled down to the lowest a man can go.

I have stopped thinking over it. Today I met my supervisor who is back from holiday. Meeting her would, I thought, be embarrassing. I was losing sleep over it. I had said all my byes and said, enough and all that and then now I am eating humble pie. Life seems to be about eating humble pie often. It just goes to show where man thinks he/she is and that that position is not at all stable. It is perhaps better not to soar too high, so the fall is not too great. Arrogance – I must have been arrogant or I would not feel like I am eating humble pie, right? Well, it is a lesson, well learned.

Image result for humble pie

The meeting with the supervisor was not too bad. She seems happy to have me back. I am grateful for the money from the job. I am grateful for the freedom of spending again but of course, I wish life had taken a different course. In a way I am glad, I am here, yet, to support my family while they are making changes in their lives but when I get an email from my college- I still call it that, there is a certain wistful thinking, of things that might have been. Maybe older women are not meant to study and are just meant to mind the hearth. I feel like Jo of Little Women when she returned from the boarding house home and found that everything looked the same but nothing satisfied.

Image result for little women

For the past two months( since April), my diet and watching over my weight has all gone for a toss. With daughter 2’s exams looming on the horizon and the family predicting doom about her admissions, it took all of my positive spirits and bucking up to keep things up. Exams done, she did well, she secured admissions to good colleges but the midnight oil that burned during the process and the sleepless nights, the leptin and the increased, never-ending appetite and the eternal hunger pangs and the consolation, albeit temporary from eating food, even icecreams( which I have never even liked since childhood) and sweets( which I haven’t eaten since 2004), all goes to show how much of a toll the constant pushing of my limits was taking on me. I have not been taking care of myself.

Image result for Baskin robbins icecream

I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t. Really, I mean, what is the point of living so long anyway? If I eat well and exercise and look well, what is the point? At some time, I am sure to get some lifestyle disease or some cancer or something else. See my thoughts. There was no rhyme or reason to them- was it the beginning of the empty nest syndrome?

Image result for empty nest syndrome

Anyway, the thing is, this week, I have taken time to read and write and look well- put makeup on. I know makeup makes me look, well, made up and I am someone who loves the natural, no make up look. Still, I did some blackening of my eyes, some color on my face, smoothening up some holes, dental work, and hair care. I have rubbed lotions and oils on my body and put vitamin E cream on my face. This last because there was a tube of this very expensive cream lying on my dresser, I had never used before but must have bought some time in a trance and never used. The day after using the cream, I looked at my face and it looked different. By that time, I had forgotten I had done something to my face the previous night( applying the cream). My face shone like it used to when I was younger. Suddenly it struck me that I had rubbed some of that cream last night on my face. So the second night in a row, I applied some more of it on my face. Today, this morning, I looked at my face, and I notice, my face shining. This cream seems to be working on my menopausal skin.

Image result for vitamin E cream

This seems to be a good time to take care of me. No family, plenty of time, only my cat to take care of. Well, the point of this post – at last.

I am going to do the keto diet- this diet seemingly works for me as I am not very fond of carbohydrates anyway and can eat all I want of fats, what is not to like?

It is a 24 hour fast today- only lemon water, black coffee, tea allowed. This is a detox to get rid of all the sugars in my body.

 

Advertisements

19 thoughts on “Thursday Thoughts

  1. Best wishes, I am right there with you. I have been eating too many high and empty calorie products lately and too many unnecessary in between snacks without as much activity to help burn them off. I finally got the nerve to get on the scales earlier this week and was a bit disgusted. Today is the day I am making some eating changes and going back to my normal eating patterns which is much healthier. Good luck with your journey and I look forward to reading your future post once you hit your goal.

    Like

    • I am glad we are both starting the same day. So we can account for each other. I think the first day is the worst as it is the fast day. We Christians should by now sail through a fast, one would think but no, food is an addiction and the more you can’t get it, the more one craves it.
      Susie

      Like

  2. Good for you Susie – it was okay to go back because it you did not burn your bridges, you did not go out the door with a trumpet proclaiming you were done with them and had better things coming your way – you were respectful and so were they. Good luck with your diet and I’ve been hearing alot about the Keto diet. I have to lose some weight as well – the walking regimen has no traction this Summer – I walk a few days, then it is bad weather or I have some type of errands that must be done – right now we have a storm brewing and torrential rains out there … it is the storm to break this heat wave – I hope it does not cause damage or cause loss of power. Good luck on your diet – keep us posted.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, Susie. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been depressed. Well, back to work is a good thing, right??
    And my sympathies on the mourning for your college. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
    Yay for the cream making your face shine!! I’m glad you are starting to take care of yourself again. You are important, my friend!!
    Keto is great, BUT I crave carbs so much, I couldn’t stick with it long term. Since you aren’t a sweets person, you’ll do great!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh Susie, It must be an epidemic of eating badly everywhere…I have been eating so junky lately. I have some good cherries downstairs, but there is a can of Pringles potato chips on the table that for some reason seems to be calling my name right now. I’m going to eat those delicious cherries, but I think I will have a few Pringles too. Oh dear, maybe next week I’ll eat less and better. Kathy
    PS I think I will have to look for that cream.

    Like

      • I still walk, but am so busy with the gardening it is a short walk. Maybe it is the increased heat that makes us want sweets.

        Like

  5. I am so glad you got your job back Susie. I am so impressed with your determination on dieting. I had planned to weigh significantly less for my son’s wedding but as the wedding is next week it is not going to happen. My schedule is crazy this next week so I will have to try to do better once this wedding is done.
    I have never tried a keto diet. years ago I did do the Atkins diet which is low carb and did well with that. I may have to check in to the keto one after the wedding! I may have plenty of questions for you!
    keep up the good work with your diet Susie!

    Like

    • I find it very difficult as our diet is based mostly on carbohydrates, sweets, sugar, tea with sugar, coffee with sugar-well, everything bad. Lets do it together once the wedding is over, Faye. It will be good to have an accountability partner.
      I hope preparations are going on well.
      Susie

      Liked by 1 person

      • So far so good. I am gathering the food needed for rehearsal supper. Wednesday my sister is coming and we will be frosting and decorating 400 cupcakes. I am trying to take one day at a time so it is not overwhelming. It is fun and exciting but lots and lots to do.
        yes….after the wedding I will need to start. accountability is good!

        Like

  6. Good luck with the keto diet. I have a super fit friend who swears by it (been doing it for over a year). I, on the other hand, have been diagnosed as ‘fat intolerant’ (don’t process it; causes severe GI probs) which is laughable since I’m 100+ lbs overweight… so, my gawd, how fat would i be if i actually processed/absorbed fat?!?!
    I haven’t tracked back to your 2 wk event but i.m 55 and back in college. I hope Life just wanted you elsewhere to be ready for some better opp that’s coming. Look up the short Dervish tale ‘Fatima and the tent’ for some perspective.

    Like

  7. Praying for you as you return to work and do the diet.๐Ÿ’› I love your blog!๐Ÿ’›

    Like

Comments are closed.